Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
