I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
