Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
