Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
