If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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