Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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