Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
