Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
