Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
