You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
