Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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