last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
