No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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