i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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