...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
