you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
