I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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