Jerry, you need to find god
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
