Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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