I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
