girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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