I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
