between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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