I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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