super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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