Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
