I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
