I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm like, not good at living.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
