he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
