Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
