i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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