I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
