the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
