Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
