so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
