My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
