Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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