If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Mom said you looked used
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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