DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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