It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
