was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
