Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
