I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have fence marks all over my body
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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