Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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