when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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