Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
