I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
