I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
