Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
