you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's just like the Real World with babies
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
