I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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