Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
